'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
