found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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