Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize