Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
