Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
