I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
