K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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