Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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