Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize