it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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