So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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