Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
