I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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