I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
