but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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