my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.