I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep