I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants