On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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