I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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