I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
