i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize