i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
