just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
