i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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