he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far