Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel