u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.