If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.