I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
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the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone