I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".