He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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