The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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