I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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