so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
