When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
