Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?