She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.