my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice