just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
