I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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