I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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