I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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