oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
