i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So vagazzling was a success
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
