yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
