i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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