The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
