i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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