k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
