Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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