hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize