He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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