If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
