oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize