I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
