arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
