He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
