I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
