I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
