I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
