Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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