tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
