question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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