If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
