I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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