If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
