eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
