Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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