Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
this hospital has no fireball
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
