I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
