i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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